Shadow of the steeple.

Church fills me with so much joy and pain, both simultaneously and sequentially. There is so much joy in worshipping God together, in serving one another out of love. And then, there are (too often) the moments when the imperfections and prejudices of man are on garish display.

Today's leaders' meeting was a case in point. Now this may sound familiar to you. We have material to read through and prepare beforehand. So far so good - most of us (it seems) have at least read the relevant articles. We start on time (bar 1 or 2 sheepish latecomers) - fantastic. A first. The table is ringed with smiling people, not at all begrudging the precious Saturday afternoon spent once a month in this room. Great. The facilitator for the day opens with prayer and asks God for wisdom and insight into the Word. Awesome. We're all set...

...and everything goes downhill from there. The powerpoint presentation has nothing to do with the set material. Sharing is out-of-point: more a string of barely-related and relatable personal experiences that add no value to the discussion. The Word of God is not referred to, and even the prepared material lies open in front of us but we're not talking about it. I doodle on my notes (what animals can I draw that actually resemble the real thing? hmm) then excuse myself for an extended toilet/coffee break. I return, and the same voice is speaking about something I thought we covered 2 months before (before I left for Philippines/India). I doodle again (flowers and fruits this time), and imagine myself speaking to Pastor about dropping out from the programme altogether. We finally break off into discussion groups, I somehow survive, Pastor ends in prayer...

I eat dinner with my brother at the coffeeshop opposite church. He understands how I feel, and tells me that he had resolved not to speak in these meetings, but to pray for the entire church leadership and vision. I realise he is a much better man than I - it's so easy to feel superior and "above it all" in church, but the Jesus that died to save me is the same Jesus that died for each one of them, and He calls us to love one another.

At the end of the day, I should not forget that the church is simply a collection of sinners, there by the grace of a loving God. And hey, I fit right in that description.